She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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