literally had 100 drinks last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
