Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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