Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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