Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
