I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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