Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is not my ceiling
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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