Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
