Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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