Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
