Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
