I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
