he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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