we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
