That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
