my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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