i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
should my penis look like a turkey
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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