Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
