Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
