I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
