Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize