That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
