If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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