her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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