We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
