ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
