Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
