Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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