brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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