Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
