I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
