If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sarcasm needs its own font
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
