ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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