Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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