Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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