you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize