she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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