I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
