if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
