You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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