I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So much rum. So many feels.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
