Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
