Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize