Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
