U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
