i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
