I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
