so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
