It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
