i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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