Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
