i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im on a boat
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