College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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