I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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