A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
