i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
