i permit you to call me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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