remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
