Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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