if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
