Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
