Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
