you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
