dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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