I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
