We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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