U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
