there's paper in my vomit.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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