i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
