Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
