That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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