Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
