i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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