im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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