You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize