You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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