My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
