Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
