i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
