my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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