pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize