We need to rekindle our bromance
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
