my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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