Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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