I wish my penis had an off switch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
