it's not cheating when I paid for it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
