whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
