What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
