Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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