im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
