You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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