weddingsv make me drug and hornr
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
