just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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