he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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