I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
