Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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